Review – Burlesque

Lights, camera, cleavage! I really should have invested in push-up bras prior to the making of ‘Burlesque’ because the boobs are the only things being held up properly in this film…as well as Cher’s face. ‘Burlesque’ is the story of Ali (Christina Aguilera) a country girl who moves to Los Angeles with dreams of becoming a star until things go pear shaped and she ends up working at a burlesque club run by a former dancer Tess (Cher).

This film is nothing but a big ego trip for Cher and Christina Aguilera, sure Aguilera can sing but the songs in this film are so pedestrian and forgettable that they play out more like a bad audition on American Idol. ‘Burlesque’ is the kind of musical that should have been made at least 10 years ago to take full advantage of Aguilera’s rising star and what was left of Cher’s face. The story is just one cliché after another with a romantic sub-plot thrown in to try and keep the audience interested but it just ends up being fluffy romantic nonsense. Aguilera just coasts through this film, you can see her counting the seconds in her head until the next big musical number plus her boobs seem to steal every scene which at least takes your mind off her attempt at acting. Cher works what muscles she still has control of in her face to her best ability but when she’s singing she looks like a ventriloquist dummy. Watching Cher you can’t help but feel sorry for her family and friends for having to always lie to her when she asks ‘how do I look?’

‘Burlesque’ gets points for Stanley Tucci popping up as Cher’s right hand man and providing some laughs and some well choreographed burlesque dance numbers featuring ladies who have probably never eaten a carb their entire life. The big problem with this film is it’s a musical with no great music. Christina Aguilera, it’s time to put your acting career in the closet next to your karate outfit, your yo-yo and your ice cream maker.

2/5

The Popcorn Junkie

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